Thursday, 14 January 2010


At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I'm not being indulgent by not going fully back onto The Plan, I'm transitioning gently. Hm.

Today I weigh: 177.2 - same as yesterday.

Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: A very hungry start to the day after not eating all my dinner last night, so I had 2 Lidl's-own weetabix with soya milk and half a small banana followed by tofu on toast.
AM: A real munchies day - 2 sesame-rye cristpbreads with peanut butter.
Lunch: Leftover mashed potatoes and a tin of mushy peas.
Dinner: A G&T or two, stuffed mushrooms - I ate one and a bit but didn't enjoy them so left the rest. DH made them and from memory he said they were stuffed with garlic, onions, tomatoes and herbs with wholemeal breadcrumbs on top. Mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts and broccoli. Followed by another packet of 5 Nairn's fruit and spice biscuits and a chocolate snowman.

I'm going to make dinner tonight. DH is usually a great cook but his mind's on other things at the moment and he's definitely not doing his best work. Trouble is, I'm so invested in food that a crap dinner is quite a big deal, so probably best that I feed myself and then the crap dinners will be all my own fault!

I seem to be (mainly) doing ok in the daytimes now, thanks to the tofu, but the evenings are still a challenge. No matter - I'll get there.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

A disappointing dinner

Another reasonable day, resulting in a stay-the-same-weight this morning, so that's ok. I'm not doing so well on the alcohol front, but I think that's because I've got back into the habit of it.

Today I weigh: 177.2 - same as yesterday

Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Tofu on toast.
Lunch: Soup made thick and satisfying from red lentils, onion, marmite, potatoes and bulgur wheat. A clementine.
PM: A small banana
Dinner: I didn't enjoy this. "Chicken" bake, mashed potatoes, mashed swede, fine beans (I've gone right off them), broccoli (overdone for my taste) brussels sprouts (yellow and steamed to death and horrible) and gravy. I was grumpy to start with, obviously, or I'd not be so ungrateful at having my dinner cooked for me. But I didn't enjoy it. It wasn't ready until 8 o'clock, a good hour after the latest time I like to eat, and everything was soft and mushy and the veg was overdone and unpleasant, and I was like a spoiled little kid all upset because she'd been looking forward to a nice dinner and it wasn't. I was almost as horrible as the dinner, but I couldn't help it. I just went all quiet and left most of the veg and went to bed early. Miserable tart.
I also had 2 G&Ts and a glass of red wine. I did enjoy those.
Evening: A Montezuma's chocolate snowman. See, I got these at New Year and there are eight of them and I've probably still got 3 left. I can quite happily eat a couple a week, one at a time, and enjoy them and that's it. If only all food were like chocolate!

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

First big loss

1.2 lbs gone overnight!

Today I weigh: 177.2 (12 stones, 9.2 lbs)

Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Half a block of Cauldron organic tofu on a slice of wholemeal toast with tamari seasoning. 2 mugs of tea with soya milk.
Lunch: The remains of the night before's roast dinner (from when I wasn't on The Plan!). This consisted of a very small piece of nut roast, 2 full-fat crispy roast potatoes, three large dry-roasted mushrooms, a big pile of sweetcorn, some dreadfully overdone brussels sprouts and a couple of tablespoons of full-on gravy made with fat and flour and everything! 2 large clementines and a mug of strong black coffee with 2 saccharins.
Dinner: A large(ish - not as large as DH's, but not small either) jacket potato, a dry-fried quarter pounder burger and a massive quantity of home-made coleslaw (white cabbage, red cabbage, carrots, red onion, celery, red pepper, green pepper, the juice of half a lemon, salt and pepper, Sainsbury's (vegan!) reduce-fat salad cream and toasted seed mix to top (sunflower & pumpkin seeds and pine-nuts)). 2 glasses of red wine. After this I went downhill a bit and had a couple of handfuls of little crackery things (would be like cheeselets if they had any cheese in them) and a pack (5) of Nairn's fruit and spice oat biscuits.

It was my after-dinner eatings that I thought would take me over the top, and in truth I didn't need them. I think it was my Inner Child testing to see whether she could still have whatever she wanted. Apparently last night she could! I was fairly philosophical about this and just hoped that the 0.2lb loss I had already shown this week would stick around for today's weighing. My only consolation for my apparent inability to lay off the sweet stuff is that at least the biscuits were oat-based and therefore not as trashy as some.

I am well-happy with this loss as can be imagined. I don't actually feel that I deserve it, but then sometimes I don't lose when I think I deserve to, so I gues this evens it out a bit.

I definitely think that the tofu on toast for breakfast sets me up for the day and allows me to stick to The Plan at least more or less. Yesterday was my most successful day since Christmas, and I felt solid in the midsection after breakfast, as thought I'd eaten something substantial and (ful)filling, which I've not felt aftyer breakfast for a while. The trouble is, if I have an off-plan or otherwise unsatisfactory breakfast, I feel discontented all day and pick at things whether I really want them or not. As we all know I have virtually no will-power and will not stress myself, so I'd sooner pick than try to be harsh with myself and physically refuse to eat when I'm in the throes of cravings. This gentle approach is slowly working to heal my fundamental food issues, I think, so I'm very loath to spoil that and would far rather see a long plateau that start fighting with myself again.

Remind me that I said that about the plateau, ok, when I'm whinging that I've not lost anything for an age. You have my full permission!

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Oh, alright then.

I wasn't going to post today, because nothing much has happened. My weight is the same today as it was yesterday and I neither soared nor plummeted in my attempts to get back On Plan. In short, this is likely to be a boring post. Sorry.

The "only drinking during the week" which DH and I resolved to return to in the new year is floundering. Not horribly, I've not drunk much, but neither have I been particularly abstemious. Monday night went ok for me, but DH was on the red, stating that he'd started (the bottle, on Sunday), so he'd finish (on the grounds that it wasn't worth wasting good red just to preserve a vital organ. He didn't say that, I did). So when Tuesday night came and it was snowing and the fire was flickering and life was like a belated Christmas card, the only thing missing was - a glass and a half of wine. It would have been wrong not to drink it, so I did. Then last night I really fancied the tail end of the Lidl's white vermouth with a thick slice of fresh lime and some diet lemonade. So I had them. Tonight I fancy some warm gluhwein (or however you spell it - not going downstairs to find out). I shall undoubtedly have some of that, too.

I'm going with the flow. I'm off fat and refined carbs again now (wholemeal bread and pease pud for breakfast, lentil soup for lunch and soya chunk stew for dinner - not a spot of oil or speck of refined carbs in the lot) and I never even opened the chocolate gingerbread, how's that for strength of will? Actually, don't tell anyone, but I clean forgot about it, so strength of will had naff all to do with it. I sort of feel as though that's enough for the moment. I'm going to have my modest portion of alcohol, at least for the time being, although as I am keen for DH to lay off it, I will have to as well, sooner rather than later. I am so conflicted!

Not really, I'm just cheerful and don't want to start up my "you can't have" versus "but I want" inner dialogue just yet. I'll have to hope that DH is a better man than I.

Well, he has had more practice.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

A start has been made

I won't claim to have been perfect yesterday, and a slice of white bread to start the day proved not to be ideal, but it was the most on-Plan day I've had since Christmas and the scales have acknowledged this.

Today I weigh: 178lbs (12:10), -0.6lb since yesterday

Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Half a pack of Cauldron organic tofu and tamari on 1 slice of toast from a white bloomer loaf.
AM: 1 cup-a-soup
Lunch: Leftovers from last night's dinner - stew of onion, garlic, celery, parsnip, carrot, yellow pepper, potato, canelini beans, haricot beans, wholemeal pasta, tinned tomatoes, pesto sauce, organic veg juice, cornflour and 2 veg oxos. I didn't realise how complicated it was until I just wrote it down! 2 Christmas-present fig sweets - basically figs, nuts and sugar.
PM: A coxes apple and 2 oatcakes.
Dinner: A glass and a half of rose wine (Leftovers. It was snowing - what can I say?). 1 Redwood quarter pounder burger, a jacket potato, broccoli and brussels sprouts with a bit of salad cream on the potato and some mint sauce on the veg.
Supper: Three plain oatcakes and the rest of the orgnic veg juice.

I did have pangs in the morning, wanting to eat when I wasn't hungry, which I ascribe to the white bread. As soon as it started snowing last night I put on my hat and coat and went down to the Co-op to buy a wholemeal loaf, but one inch of snow around here starts the panic-buying and there wasn't a solitary loaf of bread to be had. You know it's bad around here when even the nasty brown bread is snapped up. It means that they've already eaten their own young and are getting desperate.

So I had to content myself with two speciality wholemeal rolls, which are very nice but cost the same as a small loaf which lasts me a week, so my skinflint's soul cried out at the sacrifice. But it's no good, if I am to stick comfortably to The Plan then I really cannot eat white bread, it starts too many cravings off. Not sure what I'm going to have with my rolls as I am now out of tofu. It's gone back up to £1.59 so I've stopped buying it again. I wish I could find non-organic at a sensible price.

So, anyway, 0.6lb gone, 4lb more to dispense with before I'm back to my pre-Christmas 12 stones 6. I'm hoping to get there by the end of the month.

Monday, 4 January 2010

That's enough now

178.6 on the scales this morning, so just as well that today it's back to work and gradually back to The Plan. 4.6 lbs on over the Christmas/New Year period is quite enough. I am still hopeful that some/most/all of it will come off again quite quickly, but only time will tell whether I'm right. 1.8 of these pounds have gone on in the last 3 days, and I didn't think that I'd actually overindulged all that much, although I suppose I've been eating a fair bit of refined carbs in the form of white bread (bought for bread sauce and of course the rest can't be wasted, especially as I love it toasted, with margarine or hummus, I'm not fussy!).

The difficulty now is that I have still got a fair bit of un-plan food and drink in the house. The drink will of course keep, no problems there, but the food - hm. I will need to exercise some restraint. The ginger cake will probably freeze in small portions. The chocolate will be eaten a little at a time. The oatcakes are problematic because I love them and they are so easy to eat. IIRC a small packet of them is over 200 calories without any topping, and I can eat that in just a couple of minutes. I need to put them in the cupboard and forget that they exist.

The tube of yeast pate will probably hamper my weight-loss efforts because I won't throw it away and it's quite fatty. I still have 2 packets of crisps - not the end of the world, but also 2 boxes of biscuits-for-cheese. O Lor'.

But the biggest potential problem is coming off a couple of weeks of eating whatever I want, whenever I want, without worrying about whether it was high fat, high fibre, nutritious or purely for fun. I have to change back to The Plan mindset. I'm not dreading it or anything, which is a huge step in the right direction, but neither am I particularly geared up for it. For a start I have no wholemeal bread in the house. I thought I had, but it turned out to be mouldy! It's going to take a couple of days I think to really get myself organised again. No real problem, and I have thoroughly enjoyed eating all the foods that I really shouldn't if I am to regain my girlish figure!

I'm usually far more depressed than this at this time of year. Thank you, whoever, for that!

Friday, 1 January 2010

Happy New Year

Ths start of a brand new year, in which I fully expect to lose some more weight and continue the journey back to the size I should be.

Today I weigh 176.8 lbs, 12 stones 8.8 lbs. I have gained 2.8lbs over Christmas, which is quite likely the lowest gain I've had at this time of year since I was in my twenties. The trick now is to taper off the indulgences and gently easy myself back into the way of eating and drinking that I've been enjoying for the last 6 months.

If anyone had told me at the beginning of June that I would start 2010 at not that much over 12 and a half stones, I'd have been highly sceptical. Wistful, but disbelieving. Whilst at one time the thought of being 12.5 stones would have been the stuff of nightmares, I now know that all sorts of horrors exist beyond the 12 stones because I've been there and seen them at first hand.

So, a good start to the new year. I wanted to record my starting weight so that I can look back (inshallah) at this time next year and see how far I've come. Of course by then I won't be able to remember what 12.5 stones feels like, because I will have left that far behind. Inshallah again, for fear.

Good luck to me for the year ahead. I've done a great job so far and although it has not, in the main, been as painful as previous weightlosses, I still think that a pat on the back is in order, not least of all for never giving up the belief that one day I'd find the way to shed the pounds that I don't need.

The future looks good.